I used to sleep alone…I had this smurf plushie that was my best friend. We used to hang out in the corner of my room playing together. All sorts of things. My dad used to read to me and make me say a prayer every night before we went to bed. We’d say the prayer together.

Then I had my brothers. We used to play spaceship and soldier stuff together. I remember how its like when you fold your mattress in two and prop it against the wall and then it becomes like some kind of bunker or something and we’d spend all night fighting aliens and the enemy and all. And when I got really tired, i’d use the same excuse. I’d get shot…and i’d never recover(fall asleep).

And then we started growing up. And we became different. All of us. I became an independent thinker. What I did, I did for me. My brothers became more influenced by the hip and trendy…yet they stayed at home more. They understood what was happening at home. I remember once in secondary school my brother shouted at me when we were arguing and he said, "You don’t even know what’s happening at home."

And now i sit here on my bed in almost darkness. And i’m burdened by so many things. work and emotion and family and studies and everything. And all i want is for someone, anyone, to be right here next to me holding me and telling me it’ll be ok. To tell me that it’s tough but it’ll all work out fine. and maybe just hug me and tell me a story with a happy ending. And maybe…just maybe…say a prayer.

I’m feeling so lonely.
i miss the world i once lived in.
I miss the life I once had.
I miss having someone i can call no matter what time of day, or for whatever reason.

I don’t want to be so independent. I don’t just want to stand on my own.